Chronic

 

Do you ever feel as though your brain and body were not meant to go through this life together? For a long time I've felt like my body is letting my soul down. My brain and soul craves adventure and nature. My mental health is always at it's best when I'm immersed in nature. I feel such growth within myself when I'm experiencing new places and engaging with new cultures. I feel fulfilled when I'm teaching and guiding, I love sharing information with others and expanding my awareness.

My body isn't on the same page. My body, since childhood, has been overly sensitive to almost everything. I would get chronic ear infections, rashes, catch every virus going around. I developed asthma that, in contradiction with the disease itself, only got worse as I grew up. As a teenager I began getting chronic migraines. In my early 20s I started getting pneumonia regularly. Now in my 30s I still have fragile lungs and killer migraines but now I also have chronic joint swelling and pain.

It feels like life is slipping by me. I limp behind my children as they run to explore new things. I miss out on new things because they are "too loud" for my migraines. I've lost my job because I can't work under fluorescent lights. Trips are cancelled, timelines altered, easier paths chosen because my body is chronically letting me down.

This month my children both celebrate their birthdays and this month I've spent 3 weeks in bed due to pneumonia (how fun is it to have a respiratory infection at a time when coughing triggers fear in everyone who hears it) and labyrinthitis. The vertigo is the worst part. I feel like a complete invalid. I can't get my own food or drink because I can't walk without help. I can't take care of my kids or pets. Even my plants are dying from neglect. 

I know everyone will have suggestions but trust me I've explored everything. I've tried chiropractic, gluten free, dairy free, turmeric capsules, acupuncture, botox, physiotherapy, aromatherapy, special glasses, UV therapy, medications, IV therapy, grounding; you name it, I've tried it. I've been chronically unwell for twenty years. 

I guess the point of all this is a note of solidarity to anyone living with chronic illness. As well as a reminder that even going to a walk outside is a huge deal because that's not something everyone can experience at any given time. Your vessel is important. Your mind and body don't always have to align but they are two parts of the same system. Give your body the maintenance it needs. I would trade anything in the world to never have to use the word "chronic" when talking about my health again.

Love Bits

 

If you've read my blog for the past several years you will know that I love Love day. Valentine's Day for us is a celebration of love. It's not romantic; it's love in all forms. I've been preparing for our Love Day for weeks. I found socks with hearts, heart shaped marshmallows and valentine embroidered patches to tuck in my children's mailboxes. I found the perfect treat for my husband and the cutest card for my best friend. I found some really cute Riley Blake valentine fabric with adorable puns on it (our family loves puns) that I whipped up into a skirt for my girl. I was ready to go. 

The other thing about me and holidays is that I have uncanny luck for illness and injury coinciding with holidays. I broke my foot on Mothers Day, I got pneumonia on Christmas, I also got severe Norovirus on Mothers Day. Well this Valentine's Day I took a trip to the hospital for suspected pneumonia. I was right. I have been stuck in bed for days with pneumonia and a vestibular migraine. I hate missing out on holidays with my kids but I know they felt special and loved, even if I wasn't at their sides.  

First Snow

 

The first snow of 2021 has fallen. It's also our first snow here in our new neighbourhood. My children had been keeping vigil ever since someone mentioned "maybe it will snow this weekend". F and I made paper snowflakes to encourage the real ones to make an appearance. Boy did it work!

Our morning has been filled with shoveling, sledding, building, trekking, drying then repeating. Lulu loves the snow. It's so fun to watch her leap through the snow drifts. She hates rain but loves snow. I suppose it makes sense as her breed is originally from the mountains of Tibet. She even has feet especially designed for walking on snow. 

As we no longer have access to our neighbourhood sledding hill, the kids got creative and built one in the yard. They used the deck stairs as a base and piled and packed the snow into a ramp. Their efforts paid off! They've been zooming down that little hill for hours. I think I've heard a gleeful "wheee!" as I sit here typing. Perhaps it's time I went out and joined them.

Forest and Friends

 

 

 

Maintaining friendships has been a huge challenge during this pandemic. I'm feeling the loneliness but my kids are really struggling with the lack of friendship. Connecting online isn't what my young kids need; they need face-to-face interaction. 

 

Luckily we live on an island where Covid infections have been moderate if not minimal. We've had good leadership from our provincial health officer; Bonnie Henry. I don't always agree with her choices but she's been very upfront and consistent throughout this pandemic. So Dr. Henry has maintained restrictions on social gatherings though encouraged citizens to spend time outdoors. Walks outdoors with friends is permitted so we took advantage of the sunshine to meet some friends in the forest.

 

I think we all felt invigorated and refreshed after our time in the woods and connection with friends. The sunshine was such a refreshing change. A good dose of vitamin D always helps boost our mood. I must encourage you all to connect with nature even if you can't connect with friends. 

A Decade

 

 

It's been a decade of motherhood, a decade of challenges and a decade of love. She came into the world on a rainy February night and changed my life. She wasn't an easy baby; she struggled to sleep (still does), had an diagnosed lip tie that made nursing miserable, she repeated got croup. But she was a wonderful toddler. She developed her language skills early so she was always chattering away (again, still does this) and she loved to sing songs. She developed her love of nature young. Teachers continue to tell me they are amazed at her extensive knowledge of the natural world. She feels deeply connected to the natural and magical worlds. 

I love that even though she is very tall for her age, she's still got her childhood innocence. She feels things very deeply and can struggle with managing all those feelings but I think she will be an empathetic adult. 

She loves to read and was delighted by the bag full of Magic Treehouse books her grandparents gifted her. She loves to create things. She got a sewing machine for Christmas and has been making small pillows for all her friends ever since. She also got a needle felting kit for her birthday that she's excited to dive into. 

She's a wonderful friend and student. She makes friends with ease and delights in showing them she cares. She has a curious mind and a good heart. We are so similar and butt heads a lot but we love each other deeply. She spent much of her first year of life snuggled up against my heart and a decade later I can still feel her there. 

Happiest Birthday my sweet A!

New Neighborly

 

 It's been quite a while since I knit any garments and in this case of this sweet pattern, it's been seven years since I last knit it. With A's 10th birthday approaching I knew I wanted to make her something special. She's tall so she's wearing size 12 in most things and the Neighborly pattern only goes up to size 6/7 I believe. To make this pattern fit my tall girl I decided to use bulky weight yarn on size 10 needles and increase the stitches by about 10%. I really should have used a size 11 needle on the variegated yarn but I was well into it before I realized the mistake. I found an old shell flower button that went perfectly with this sweater.

While it was on the needles I was sure it was just the right size but once she put it on I saw it was almost too small already! Sigh. She's growing so quickly and in my mind she's still little. I think I will try this pattern again next winter but I'll use large needles and increase but 25% instead and I think I will make the "skirt" part much longer (this one was two full skeins as it was!). Still, I'm proud of myself for getting this done in a week and having it blocked and ready for A's birthday.